Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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