I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
