tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
