i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
