Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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