Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
