Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
