hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
