Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
