Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I need a beard to bite.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
