he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
