Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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