I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
