I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
