Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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