i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
