I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
