I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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