I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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