He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
