My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
