Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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