i already hear my dad disowning me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
