Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Success! We fucked roommates!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
