Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
