so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
