just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
