if only i could text you this smell
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
