Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
