Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
