Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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