My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
