I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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