He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
