No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
