Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
