she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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