I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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