so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
