My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
