The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
