i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
