ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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