I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
