I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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