What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
