Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
