We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
