so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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