She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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