Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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