Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
