just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
