Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
