My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
