Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
