It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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