I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
