To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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