He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
