just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
