i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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