let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize