I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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